The trichotomy of control

Lots of times I find myself angry at things that are not in my control, thus, the question arises, what to do ? I mean, there are some things that are in our control, and then, there are other things that are not in our control. So, how do we react? How we realize if we can change something or not? Let's dive right in

1. Things that are not in our control

This is the largest category of the the three. If you think about it, almost nothing is in our control: the weather, the traffic, the way someone behaves, etc. Thus, we shouldn't waste time complaining about these situations. Instead we should try to be content with whatever happens, at least that's what I believe. For example, it is raining outside and you were supposed to go to play a sport outdoors. You can choose to:

A. complain about it and say how unfair this is, which, won't really help

B. accept the situation as it is and change your plans.

Of course this is a very simple and basic example, there are a lot more serious situations over which we have no control. The pandemic, the state of your country, the relatives that we have etc. The main idea is to do your best with what you've got.

2. Things that are somewhat in out control and somewhat not

These are circumstances that we can influence, in a way. I say in a way, because it is not completely under our control how the situation is going to unfold. Let's take a tennis match for example, you can influence the outcome, if you play well or bad, but, you can't control the way your adversary is going to play, which influences the outcome as well. Thus, in these kind of situations we should aim our focus our attention at the things that are in our control. In this particular example, we should focus on playing the best game that we can, not hoping that our opponent misses. This applies best in sports, team environments, and our interactions with other people. I say interactions with other people, because, you can chose what to do, which is completely under your power, and people chose what to make of it, which is completely not in your power.

3. Things that are completely under our control

This is the smallest, yet, the most important of the three categories, because, we have complete control over: how we choose to interpret situations and how we respond to them. If we are, god thank you, healthy, meaning we don't have an illness that can mess up our minds up, we have the ability to choose what to make out of the world around us. When you have expectations for something, and that something doesn't work out well, there comes a sense of disappointment, but where does that feeling come from, from the event itself, or my expectations for the event. As you may guess, the feeling comes from the image we made in our heads about how things should be. For example, I say that I am going to ace all my exams and receive a scholarship next semester, and when this doesn't happen, bang, I feel bad. It is not the situation, it is the subjective view of what is. Some might not get a scholarship, and they might be happy, others may get a scholarship and still not be happy. It's all subjective. That's what I am talking about, how you choose to represent events to yourself.

OK, I am not saying you shouldn't have goals or something to reach for, but that, the main focus should be on things that depend on you. I am going to give my best in every situation kind of attitude, not it must go the way I want it to go.

Thus, I come to the final point of this article, there are things that are in our control and things that aren't and we should focus most of our energy on things that are under our control. Epictetus, the great stoic philosopher, said:

So, let us start focusing over what is up to us.

Thanks to everyone who made it this far, I hope this article at least wasn't that painful to read, and as always, I wish you an amazing day. That is what is under my power, what you make of this day and any other is up to you, bye ;)))